Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one. Benjamin Franklin

The tragedies, oppression, abuse, violence and injustice in this word break our heart. They are hard to understand and even more to accept. Even though we don’t want to be angry, it seems as this is the only way to move beyond pessimism, despair, hopelessness and fear. Yet, as difficult it is for us to release anger, it is much greater torment to hold on to it as it increases our misery.

Imagine a life completely free from anger, jealousy, heartache, dread, loneliness and all the other painful states of mind that cause us so much suffering. We often feel as if it isn’t possible to become free from these painful emotions. But it is definitely possible.

Repeated anger can be costly, both physically and emotionally. As chronic anger makes people rigid and highly defensive, it is likely to have a negative effect on your health, to damage your relationships with others and to limit your life experiences and ability to achieve happiness. Anger can hinder, wear down, or even destroy an intimate relationship. At the same time, anger can serve as an opportunity for individual growth and enhance an intimate relationship.

People often want to act aggressively when they are angry but, fortunately, most people do not actually perform aggressive actions. Yet, anger and aggressiveness are problems when results in negative consequences. Anger in its different variations is negativity associated with interpersonal conflicts, negative evaluations by others, property destruction, occupational maladjustment, inappropriate risk-taking, accidents, substance abuse etc.

We are all susceptible to anger in its variation and its intensity. Anger is a natural and a forceful emotion, with high destructive potential. To some anger is justified and to others it is designed to harm others. However, in the long-run, anger creates more hurt and misery to oneself than to others.

Anger is a troublesome emotion – the emotion during which we are most likely to hurt others. Anger pushes us to act impulsively to remove the obstacle that is thwarting us. Yet, it is important to understand that it is not the anger itself but the expression of it that can be dangerous. Anger management or the ability to constructively process our emotional state is key to our well being. Managing emotions improves our skills to resolve anger and conflict while enabling us to develop more healthy and happy relationships. With commitment and openness, you will no longer be confined to reacting from the past, but rather be able to act and create a powerful response that leads to a powerful future.

spiral2grow has developed a unique, practical and effective program to address anger and conflict, alter beliefs and thinking that fuel dysfunction, set new and effective personal boundaries for acceptable behaviors and to teach collaborative problem-solving approaches. spiral2grow utilizes integrative proven Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT) and Emotional Intelligence (EI) approaches that teach participants effective coping behaviors to stop escalation, become assertive and resolve conflicts.

In anger management therapy, clients are encouraged to express their angry feelings and learn to do it a constructive way. The therapist and client also evaluate the meaning or cause, explore its deep components and discuss ways to deal with anger in a real-life situation. The unhealthy way of thinking and the negative thoughts that led up to the aggressive response is then re-evaluated and replaced with healthy way of thinking that empowers the client to act in an assertive way.

If chronic anger takes place and is not dealt with, it creeps continually into the mind and transforms into mood and eventually into traits of temperament, which later is harder to undo. This is why spiral2grow has developed a comprehensive anger management program that provides practical and effective tools for individuals who want to learn anger management strategies for conquering anger problems. spiral2grow of New York City offers Anger Management solutions in a variety of formats: Individuals, Couples, Groups and Workshops.

Skills for Dealing With Anger

Most people do not know what to do with anger other than exploding it or stuffing it. We fight against anger and avoid it. We can be even angry of being angry. However, not feeling our anger (or any other emotion) and not giving room to be fully expressed, can be detrimental to our well being as it pushes them to act in an unconscious, rigid and destructive ways. Anger is a complicated emotion as it has many layers and is complex in many aspects.
The following are few skills to help you contain your anger:

• Learn to differentiate between important and unimportant issues. (Don’t sweat the small stuff.)
• Understand and accept that no one is entitled to anything.
• You can wish to get things, but you don’t always going to get what you want.
• Identify what pushes your buttons and triggers your anger.
• Find out your irrational thoughts and statements that fuel your anger.
• Replace unhealthy way of thinking to healthy ones.
• Learn compassionate communication.
• Accept where you are and compassionately move forward toward improving yourself.
• Learn from your mistakes instead of beating self up.
• Use anger toward your personal growth and spiritual path.
• Transform anger to happiness.
• Move away from reacting to anger toward processing it and utilizing it in a constructive way.
• Recognize what is beneath anger (loss, longing, pain, sadness and vulnerability).
• Address anger assertively and directly with the person you are angry with

Anger Management Overview

Most people do not know what to do with anger other than exploding it or stuffing it. Anger is the most complicated emotion, because it is so complex with many aspects. Anger can be manifested in many ways and most of us don’t resort to physical violence, but almost all of us hurt other people with aggressive words, destructive behaviors and harsh emotions. The sad part is that it is usually directed toward the people we love the most.

Anger as a powerful emotion has a very invasive quality. To learn how to deal with it, it is important to have a clear understanding of the mechanism that lead to anger. The starting point in understanding anger is to understand its source. The triggers to anger in many instances are Unfulfilled Expectations and Negative interpretations.

Overwhelming feelings of anger have become an increasing and painful reality for many people. Repeated anger is serious psychological problem and can be costly, both physically and emotionally, while making people rigid and defensive. It is likely to have a negative effect on people’s mental well-being, personal happiness, the quality of one’s family life and interpersonal relationships, work-relations, and physical health.

Anger like any other emotion is normal and part of being human. Anger is an emotional reaction to frustration or injury. If for example, we think that we are being taken advantage of, anger pushes us to take action to correct the situation. If properly managed, anger is a reasonable and effective response to an injustice or problematic situation.

In addition to communicating to others that we are upset, anger moves us away of fear to face the uncomfortable event. Anger, when properly expressed, gives us a sense of gratification when we exert some control and improve a bad situation.

Anger could be channeled negatively or could serve us an internal guidance system. Our anger emotion alerts us when our need is not being met. Yet, it is important to learn the skills to use the anger to our benefit rather than allowing the anger controlling us. If anger isn’t managed properly, it can lead to aggression and the physical, mental and emotional abuse of yourself or other people.

Problematic chronic anger or affect regulation requires professional intervention in order to be remedied. It simply will not go away with time. spiral2grow has made it a goal to work towards reducing the anger pain and improve anger control. It provides anger management counseling and skills that help people learn how to manage anger constructively, while transforming it into assertiveness, problem-solving, empathy and forgiveness, so they create the life and relationship they want.

Daniel Goldman said IQ predicts only 10% of life success, while Emotional Intelligence (EI) is a better predictor for such success and happiness. In addition, IQ seems to be constant over life span, while Emotional Intelligence can change through all ages, So, investing in yourself and particularly your emotional growth is the best investment you will ever take. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives and character of all those around you. Emotional management and anger management are going hand to hand. So, wherever you start to take care of your emotional well-being, you are in a moving toward becoming better and happy person.

Anger Management Program Goals

Anger Management Therapy Goals and Skills

• Enjoy constructive working relationship
• Turn anger into healthy, productive signal while utilizing healthy strategies
• Process anger constructively by understanding its psychodynamic
• Manage anger and other challenging emotions in healthy ways
• Eliminate self-destructive/maladaptive behaviors
• Become assertive (not aggressive)
• Develop communication skills
• Overcome emotional reactivity
• Develop self control
• Let go and move on
• Build problem solving skills
• Create change and get unstuck
• Take responsibility for your actions
• Halt escalation and resolve conflicts
• Understand what is underneath your anger
• Express your needs and feelings in a constructive way
• Feel the joy and zest for life

Anger Problems

spiral2grow, a leading provider of management of problems in New York City, has professionals that include anger problems psychotherapists and anger problems counselors, who are expert in anger problems.

Anger is a basic defensive emotion that is designed to protect us from harm or from loss of something we care about. Anger makes us react quickly by communicating action signals to the body to prepare us to neutralize or defeat the perceived danger. The main problem of anger is its impassivity. While it serves to deal with the immediate threat, many times it makes us to act against our long-term best interests.

Conquering anger problems requires multi-dimensional approach. Not only individuals must manage their anger feelings and its physiological arousal, it also depends on the choices individuals make. The decision is based on one key question – what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be an angry, resentful person, or you want to be your best self who is guided by positive core values and lives in a happy.

Not all those who have experienced anger are seeking to know how to overcome it. Many don’t even rationalize their anger, and would go any length to justify it, both to themselves and to others, as if the welfare of the world depended on their anger. Yet, it is important to understand that it is not the anger itself but the expression of anger that can be dangerous and problematic.

The following are symptoms that indicate signs of anger problems:

• Accumulating of stress and Blowing-up
• Bickering and Fighting – Engaging in a Negative Vicious Cycle
• Ongoing Communication Breakdown
• Physical, Verbal and Emotional Abuse
• Feeling Like People Walk all Over You
• Turning Off the People (including your loved ones)
• Conflict with Family members (partner, kids or parents)
• You feel life should be fair, and things are not how you want them to be
• Conflicts at Work (employer, employees, customers)
• Verbal outbursts toward family, friends, or fellow workers
• Hitting and slamming objects, pets, or people or desire to inflict harm
• Trouble with the Law or Road Rage
• Short Temper and impatience causing problems in a marriage
• Court Mandated Anger management therapy

Top Question as indication for an Anger Problem:

• Does your anger is expressed and manifested in a manner that is out of proportion to the angry provoking situation?
• Do you hurt yourself or other by your anger?
• Have you alienated people with your anger?
• Do you feel as a victim without taking responsibility to your feelings and behavior?
• Do you frequently feel angry when you think about certain times, events, experiences or other people?
• Do you frequently experience feeling of anger, tension, displeasure, disappointment, or irritability?
• Do people “walk on eggshells” around you, or you yourself feel “walking on eggshells?”
• Are you repressing or avoiding anger or afraid being out of control when you are angry?
• Was your anger got you into trouble – lost or damaged a relationship, job, or something else important because of your anger?
• Have you heard it more than once that you have an anger problem or issue of temper or “short fuse?”
• Have you displaced your anger? Do you target your anger toward someone or something else rather than the person or situation that angered you?

As you can see anger problem can be manifested in many ways. In addition, angry behavior can be manifested in many ways. Check to find more about faces of Anger and its expression.

Anger Manifestation

The following is Manifestation of Angry Behavior

Angry behavior can be manifested in many different ways and not only in the “classical” anger way like shouting, cursing, threatening or being physical. When displayed through acts like aggression and abuse, it is evident. Other anger ways may show in agitation, irritability, resentment, impatience, irritability, or sarcasm. However, at times, a person may not speak or act in an obvious aggressive way, yet act angrily.

Below, you can find variety of ways that angry behavior can manifest itself:

Passive aggressive

Passive aggressive behavior takes many forms but can generally be described as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in a negative behavior. A passive aggressive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. It is expression of aggression in non-assertive, subtle (that is, passive or indirect) ways. Individuals might appear in agreement, friendly, polite, kind and with well-intention. However, underneath the surface, they may be manipulative – hence the term “Passive-Aggressive.”

Passive aggressive behavior takes place when the angry individual may withhold praise, attention, affection or intimacy or whatever the object of the anger wants. This person can engage in actions known to upset the other person (“push their buttons”). They may “forget” or fail to follow-through on commitments. At work, if a passive-aggressive individual is angry with his peer or boss, they can stall on a project, not meet deadlines or just ignore the person.

Passive-aggressive behavior can manifest itself as procrastination, learned helplessness, hostility etc.. The passive aggressive behavior is masked as jokes, stubbornness, resentment, or deliberate and repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is, often explicitly, responsible.

Examples of passive aggressive behaviors

• Being silent and non-communicative, when problematic issue arise, yet it is not discussed
• Procrastinating intentionally
• Sulking or Withdrawing
• Obstructing deliberately while preventing an event or process of change
• Avoiding or Ignoring or avoiding involvement or acting “distantly.”
• Communicating unclearly or being confusing when discussion takes place
• Chronic (intentional) Lateness
• Chronic (intentional) Forgetting
• Avoiding responsibility and unable to look at their own part in a situation. Blaming others for situations
• Showing disregard/disrespect
• Making excuses and coming up with reasons for not doing things
• Avoiding intimacy (emotionally and physically) that provide one-sided control over the relationship
• Being judgmental while unable to take an objective view of the situation as a whole
• Victimization – Acting like a victim and verbalizing victimization
• Pretending not to hear or not to understand
• Spreading rumors or gossip that produces negativity, or telling hurtful jokes to retaliate
• Engaging in self-defeating behaviors, or setting others up for failure
• Behaving secretively or not telling the “whole truth”
• Demonstrating an “angry smile” or being sarcastic
• Learned Helplessness where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves and deliberately performing a poor job for which they are clearly responsible

Sarcasm

Sarcasm is a socially accepted way to misuse anger, while it is a mean way to act angrily while it is disguised as humor. The sarcastic, angry, person use “humor” or cutting remarks about the other to directly hurt the person. The other person, on the other way, is left “powerless” as there is little they can say since it is so widely accepted. It would take assertiveness and articulation of the person on the receiving end, to stand up for themselves and communicate something like this “that is sarcastic and unacceptable to me.” Unfortunately, not too many individuals realize they have the right to defend themselves with something as common as sarcasm.

Cold anger

Cold anger is a painful way of withdrawing from the other person, including avoiding emotional or physical intimacy. Cold anger is when individuals refuse to speak to someone for relatively long time as they are unable to forgive. In some cases, the angry person uses this tactic to avoid discussion or provide “the silent treatment” or minimal response in order to gain control over the relationship, punish the other person. Cold anger respond may include withdrawing into long silences to avoid either confronting or connecting with others.

It is important to note that cold anger might be more damaging to the person that does it rather to the person that receives it. Cold anger (like most anger) is damaging to your physical and mental health and is like poison than eats away at your soul. It can be just as.

Hostility

Hostility is a situation when the angry person feels intense emotions, raised voice and becomes even more stressed out while acting impatiently. Hostility is a state of being angry for a long time in which the hostile person is ready to attack or fight constantly. Hostile individuals are often stubborn, hotheaded, impatient, or have an “attitude.” They are frequently in fights or may say they feel like hitting something or someone. Hostility creats negative hostile environment and isolates you from other people.

Aggression

Aggressive behavior takes place when the angry person acts out physically, cursing yelling, threatening, calling names, blaming or laying on hands. Violent behavior may begin with verbal threats or relatively minor incidents, but over time it may involve physical hurt or injury. Violent behavior can include physical, verbal, or sexual abuse of an intimate partner (domestic violence), a child (child abuse), or an older adult (elder abuse). Violent behavior is very damaging, both physically and emotionally and can be very risky with very negative consequences, even legal consequences.

As you can see angry behavior can take many forms, while the aggressive person is directed by the intention to have control over others and their expectations, to push the buttons of the others or to punish others (consciously or unconsciously). Angry behavior is distractive and clearly not recommended as it hurts the relationship and the angry people themselves. Changing angry behaviors and its associated thoughts as well as the angry feelings take time and commitment while having a long term vision (seeing the bigger picture). So, be patient and don’t give up. Overcoming anger leads to the ultimate freedom and happiness.

Trigger Thoughts that lead to Anger

In general you may have seen that you have been harmed deliberately by someone. That person is wrong and
should have behaved differently.
Your trigger thoughts may take on certain themes.

Do any of these sound like a familiar tape that plays over and over in your mind?

• People avoid your needs
• People don’t hear, see or understand you.
• Peoples demand or expect too much of you.
• People are inconsiderate or impolite.
• People take advantage of you.
• People try to control you.
• People are selfish.
• People are stupid and thoughtless.
• People insult or disrespect.
• People shame and/or criticize you.
• People keep you waiting.
• People don’t meet your standard.
• People are uncaring and/or ungenerous.
• People are manipulative.
• People are threatening or coercive.
• People are mean and cruel.
• People disrespect you.
• People are unfair or unjust.
• People are lazy or don’t do their share.
• You’re helpless and stuck and have no choice.
• People are incompetent.
• People are irresponsible.
• People don’t help.
• People don’t do the right thing

Factors That Impact Our Ability to Control Anger

In his book Destructive Emotions, Daniel Goleman points out seven factors that determine whether (and to what degree) you can unlearn or eliminate emotional triggers that bring about emotions such as anger:

1. How close the event that triggered the anger is to the survival need

2. At what age the trigger was learned

3. The intensity of the emotion

4. The frequency of the trigger

5. Nature and genetics

6. Emotional state

7. Temperament

All of these factors must be taken into account when you deal with unwanted emotions such as anger.

1. The first factor is how “close” the event is to the survival need. The closer the trigger is to the survival need, the harder it is to remove the trigger. It is also much more difficult to control the way you respond. Let assume we were being threaten or being stopped by someone/something who interfere with what we want.  For example, if Josh’s father instead of teasing him, had pinched him in the arm until he screamed. Josh anger during pinching will be harder to control or managed than teasing. The trigger of teasing and its associated anger is relatively easier to be unlearned or removed. 
2. The second factor is the age in which the trigger was learned. The younger is the age, the harder it the trigger to be unlearned. Josh will have harder time to unlearned a triggered anger that was establish earlier in life than later.
3. Also, the greater the intensity of anger, the more difficult is to unlearn.
4. Similarly, the greater is the frequency of the trigger, the more difficult is to unlearned.
5. Nature or Genetics – by nature certain people have different disposition, reactivity mood and personal make-up that impact the way they can deal with the trigger or its anger. The ways different individuals experience and process the same event may be very different because of their disposition.
6. Emotional State – If we are in a stress state or irritable mood will have a greater challenge in overcoming the emotional trigger as compared to a relaxing state.
7. Temperament – This is similar to emotional state but is more like a mood – emotions that have been embedded as part of our being over longer period of time.

When we learn how to manage anger, it would be important to address all the above factors. To assess these factors, to meet the clients were they are and slowly and gradually building the necessary awareness and ability to deal with the anger.

Reference: Daniel Goleman, Destructive Emotions How: Can We Overcome Them? A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama pp. 149–150.

Anger Control

 Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, and in the extreme situation to physical fights. On the other spectrum, if anger and needs are not expressed, it might lead to depression. Also, our belief system, thoughts and expectations about a person or event or situation influence the way we feel. The anger feelings are not the result of or inherent in of the situation itself. Others do not cause our anger. By having certain way of thinking, we cause ourselves to feel in a certain way.This knowledge means that we have control of our anger, much like we have control over other choices we make in our life. That also means that counseling, particularly CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) that focuses on helping individuals change their dysfunctional thinking, that causes them so much distress and suffering in their lives, can be very effective.

Here are few suggestions to reduce stress and anger:

• Practicing and exercising in physical activities
• Engaging in hobbies or passionate activities
• Learning communication skills
• Building emotional intelligence skills
• Journaling and reflecting
• Engaging in social activities
• Deep breathing, Yoga, Pilates, Qigong
• Having a good sleep and rest
• Living in the present and being mindful

Adapted from Star Trek:

A flame like emotion is a primitive force, left unchecked is chaotic and destructive, but if controlled, it can be powerful tool. Like the lamp that controls the flame, our brain can control our emotions, and we as human can learn to manage our emotions in a constructive manner.

Anger Management Solutions

Anger management is a form of counseling to help you cope with any angry feelings and channel it to create value for yourself and others. Anger may negatively affected your health, work, social behavior or personal relationships. Anger management counseling and solution helps you manage your anger. spiral2grow utilizes a evidence based practice modalities such as CCT, DBT, ACT among others to elicit positive change. We provide anger individual psychotherapy, couples counseling anger solution, group therapy and other treatments programs that are specific to anger management.

Anger Management treatment assists clients understand what is driving their anger, identifying the pain and hurt underneath the anger, and how this perpetuates the reactive and dissatisfying pattern of relating with their partner and others. It designed to address basic problems in affect and emotional regulation, communication challenges, conflict resolution, emotional expression, self-soothing techniques, appropriate assertiveness training, and non-aggressive behavioral change. The goal of anger management counseling is not to eliminate anger but to control it; not to suppress it but to create value with it.

In the treatment clients resolve their anger by learning where it comes from, how it gets triggered, its function and by addressing its underlying cause. This process will assist the clients address their masked vulnerable feelings, change how they relate to others. By successfully completing the program, clients will be able to be themselves, and invite acknowledgement, acceptance, nurturing and intimacy into their life and relationships.

Some of the strategies and techniques that are used in overcoming anger include:

• Improving impulse control
• Identifying and changing unhealthy way of thinking
• Enhancing self awareness
• Having realistic expectations
• Understanding personal triggers that leads to anger
• Journaling of frustration and anger management
• Breathing and relaxation techniques
• Meditation

It is important to understand that you can’t eliminate anger, since anger is needed for survival purposes. In spite of all your efforts, we all have “a point of no return” which makes us loss our temper. Life will always be filled with disappointments, frustration, loss, pain and the uncontrollable situations or actions of others. You can’t change that; but you can change the way you relate to the situation and how you let these events affect you.

Anger and Patience

Patience and Emotions

Patience is key to overcoming anger and other difficult emotions. We can deny anger by suppressing it, or act on it by being aggressive. Either way it only makes the situation worse for ourselves and others. When we try to resolve anger, the negative energy amplifies, while being patient reduces the negative energy of anger. The healthy way to deal with anger is to practice patience, by pausing and experiencing the full power of anger.

The Buddhist teachings describe patience as the antidote to anger and fear. When we experience strong negative emotions, there is a discomfort that pushes us to create a resolution. The negative feelings that produce negative energy is tough to deal with. However, If we were train ourselves to be able to catch ourselves early enough, or to do the right thing regardless of the emotion, we would be able to see what underneath the anger feeling. This insight that comes with deep self reflection and great patience will benefit us and serves us well in dealing with anger.

More about Patience and Emotional Management

When you are patience, you allow yourself to experience anger and just wait with its uneasiness; wait without judgment. You are able to feel the energy of anger. you contain yourself and stay still, without going there. The non-judgmental aspect means that you do not deny or suppress your anger, but rather accept it. By accepting your feelings as is, treating them with respect and care, you are on your way to master your emotional regulation.

When we examine the process of emotions, specifically anger, we realize that anger has no resolution. The classical resolution that human beings try to apply when facing an external problem is by removing the obstacle or avoiding it. However, this strategy cannot be applied to a psychological challenge. We cannot remove or repress our or feelings. We need to learn to transform its energy from its negative state to a positive state, which could be done by acceptance and applied wisdom.

We would like to believe that we have the power to control things. As such when we feel negative powerful energy of our emotions, we tend to be uncomfortable until this uneasy energy is resolved. We want to do something about it. It is hard for us to live with ambiguity, while having no attachment to anything (any position). Practicing patience, however, gives the ability to live and experience events without nothing to hold on to. It increases our ability to be without resolution and to accept ambiguity and uncertainty.

Patience is difficult to achieve, yet with practice and commitment, it leads to personal growth and spiritual transformation.

Anger in Intimate Relationship ‎

Shakyamuni said, “Do not return anger with anger; instead, control your emotions. That is what is meant by diligence.” (from the Sutras).

Difficult partners can be a great distraction and destruction to us and others. They drain our energy, waste our time, create negative encounters and disturb our piece. However, if we transform the way we deal with these people or negative situations in general, then we will transform our life for the better. The new way can become very helpful for our personal growth and happiness.

When interactions with your partner is escalating into angry dynamics, they often stop being productive. If your partner gets back to you with angry response, it might be an opportunity to step back, assess your goals in the situation and ask yourself, “Is my respond beneficial to my needs or goals?” Whether your partner slams doors, punches walls, withholds sex, threatens, uses profanity, verbally or physically abuse you or your family, these angry behaviors are an attempt to control and inhibit their partner. The effort to control another person by using anger is not only extremely negative social behavior, this behavior will accomplish the exact opposite in the long run. It leads to divorce and breakups due to the deterioration of intimacy.

Managing anger in a relationship is like a pressure valve on a water heater designed to release when the pressure inside is too built up. People have more than two choices in handling anger, some work to suppress their anger; others feel they need to release it. In fact, it is healthier to neutralize your anger with exercise, breathing techniques, anger management therapy, and couples counseling.

The following ways are a manifestation of anger in couples or married relationship:

• Stress build-up and negative energy
• Engaging in a negative vicious cycle such as Bickering and Fighting
• Ongoing conflict and escalation
• Communication challenges and breakdown
• Physical, verbal and emotional abuse/outburst
• Feeling walking on egg-shells
• Not feeling emotionally safe and inability to form an emotional bond
• Challenges with family members, specifically in-laws
• You feel life should be fair, and things are not how you want them to be
• Hitting and slamming objects, pets, or people or desire to inflict harm
• Short Temper and impatience causing problems in a marriage
• Failure to understand and have compassion
• Use words such as “should,” “must,” “have to,” “fair,” “deserve,” etc.
• Experience a high degree of resentment and contempt
• Being inflexible and not accepting influence from your partner
• Court Mandated Anger management therapy

As you can see the anger in a relationship can be manifested in many ways. Check to find more about faces of Anger.

How Anger Harms Your Marriages

The negative expression of anger in the family, especially between husband and wife, hurts them and their marriage in some the following ways:

• Damages the safe environment and destroy trust
• Builds frustration and resentment
• Creates a negative atmosphere and promote selfishness
• Amplifies fear of being hurt
• A distant relationship that leads to sadness, loneliness and anxiety
• Negatively damages self-esteem
• Moves away from being authentic and walk on eggshell
• Reduces sexual and intimate connection and increases sexual temptations
• Contributes and amplifies addictions such as drinking, gambling and other compulsive behaviors

Difficult partners can be a great distraction and destruction to us and others. They drain our energy, waste our time, create negative encounters and disturb our piece. However, if we transform the way we deal with these people or negative situations in general, then we will transform our life for the better. The new way can become very helpful for our personal growth and happiness.

When interactions with your partner is escalating into angry dynamics, they often stop being productive. If your partner gets back to you with angry response, it might be an opportunity to step back, assess your goals in the situation and ask yourself, “Is my respond beneficial to my needs or goals?” Whether your partner slams doors, punches walls, withholds sex, threatens, uses profanity, verbally or physically abuse you or your family, these angry behaviors are an attempt to control and inhibit their partner. The effort to control another person by using anger is not only extremely negative social behavior, this behavior will accomplish the exact opposite in the long run. It leads to divorce and breakups due to the deterioration of intimacy.

Managing anger in a relationship is like a pressure valve on a water heater designed to release when the pressure inside is too built up. People have more than two choices in handling anger, some work to suppress their anger; others feel they need to release it. In fact, it is healthier to neutralize your anger with exercise, breathing techniques, anger management therapy, and couples counseling. spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy in a relationship in New York City, has professionals that include anger relationship experts, anger counselors and psychotherapists, who are expert in providing tools for couples to deal with anger in their relationship.

Dealing With Angry Partner

An angry spouse can be quite frustrating and sometimes even frightening; however, this doesn’t mean that you totally isolate yourself from your other half. Caring for your partner and considering each other’s well being together with learning healthy ways to express emotions can reduce anger in your spouse.

Having a spouse who is angry is no less than a complicated challenge. Your partner might be stressed, depressed, or perhaps they might not have the skills they need to express emotions in a healthy manner.

Angry partners can be a great distraction and destruction to intimate relationship. They drain our energy, waste our time, create negative encounters and disturb our piece. However, if we transform the way we deal with angry people or negative situations in general, then we will transform our live to become less stressful, less angry and more fulfilled.

Whether your partner punches walls, slams doors, withholds communication or sex, threatens, curses, verbally or physically abuse you, these angry behaviors are an attempt to control and inhibit their partner. The effort to control another person by using anger is not only extremely negative social behavior, this behavior will accomplish the exact opposite. It leads to misery and suffering in the relationship and may lead to divorce and break ups due to the deterioration of intimacy.

spiral2grow Marriage Family Therapy is a top provider of anger management in marriage and intimate relationship in New York City. It has relationship experts that specialized in anger counseling and psychotherapy. We teach skills to deal with angry partner and deal with the emotional distress that is created in the relationship.

Here are some tips to help you deal with an angry partner:

• Safety First

If you, your children, or your partner is in danger because of your other half’s anger, you should never compromise on safety and must seek help immediately. If you are in immediate danger, do not hesitate to contact emergency services in your homeland. Call 911 in the US or 999 in the UK.

If there is no immediate danger but you believe their anger is growing and may reach dangerous levels, you can seek help from your local domestic violence shelter. It is also a good idea to involve a counselor. Anger often results from depression, and a counselor would be able to identify the root causes.

• Know You’re on the Same Team

Angry outbursts from either spouse are often a result of supposed injustice, seemingly overwhelming demands, or feelings of disrespect.

Try to be consciously fair, helpful, and respectful as it will help reunite a couple and reduce their anger. Assurances are one way of telling them that you will stand by their side no matter what.

• Listen

Anger also escalates when a partner feels as if they are not being noticed, heard, or appreciated. Communicate directly, use reflective listening and make sure you reaffirm whatever your partner shares with you to make them feel they’re being understood.

• Establish Emotional Safety

In many cases, anger responses are a result of either partner feeling threatened or injured. It is important to say kind things instead of criticizing them. It’s crucial to be sincere instead of mocking them. Besides that, listening attentively will make your spouse feel emotionally safe.

• Change Your Habits

Just like we form all kinds of other habits, the way we communicate and respond emotionally to our partners also develops into habits. It is a good idea to analyze and observe how you interact with your partner and make any changes to the tone or timing of your responses. The style of communication we adapt can assist in breaking our bad habits and building new ones to enhance your and your partner’s emotional health.

• Be a Companion

Your partner is your friend, your equal, and your teammate. Do not start parenting your spouse, nag them, or talk down to them. Share your responsibilities, enjoy positive activities together and say kind things. Laugh together, have fun, talk, and smile. These are the things that make life beautiful and enjoyable!

The following ways are manifestation of anger in couples or married relationship:

• Anxiety and stress that leads to negative energy and bad atmosphere
• Repeating negative vicious cycles
• Continual conflict and escalation
• Breakdown in communication
• Verbal, emotional, physical and sexual abuse
• Walking on eggshells – Not feeling safe
• You feel life should be fair, and things are not how you want them to be
• Impatience and short Temper
• Court Mandated Anger management therapy

As you can see anger in relationship can be manifested in many ways.

Anger Help – Diverse Clientele NYC

Anger management NY program or anger help is required for many reasons. Sometimes these programs are taken for personal growth and improvement or at the request of a loved one or employer. Anger management programs may also be required by the court or probation department as part of a plea bargain or minor violation of the law. If the court has ordered you to take an anger management class, then you are legally obligated to fulfill this requirement. The number of sessions or hours for anger program is usually determined by the judge or by probation. Depending on where you live, each state may have certain requirements for the attendance or participation in a court ordered anger management program. If the number of sessions is not specified, then a normal anger management program contains about eight to twelve sessions.

spiral2grow serves a diverse clientele ranging from private individuals to referrals from variety sources such as the court system (Court-Mandated or Court-Ordered Anger Counseling), family physicians, employers, corporations, human resource personnel, youth service centers, child protection agencies, school systems etc. If needed, participants in spiral2grow programs can receive an anger management certification diploma or letter of completion to present to the court when they completed the anger classes or the anger program in New York.

There were many reasons why someone might seek anger management therapy.

• Hurting loved-ones as a result of anger
• Committing violent or aggressive acts
• Experiencing verbal abuse and short temper causing problems in a relationship or marriage
• Having conflict in intimate relationship that trigger anger
• Inability to de-escalate angry situations
• Difficulty in dealing with hightened “negative” emotions
• Problem dealing with family members such as one’s in-laws
• Court mandated anger management therapy resulting from neglect, abuse, road rage, violence etc.

Anger Management Classes NYC

Anger management therapy programs and classes are taken for a many reasons. Sometimes these classes are taken for personal growth and improvement or at the request of a loved one or employer. Anger management classes may also be required by the court or probation department as part of a plea bargain or minor violation of the law. If the court has ordered you to take an anger management class, then you are legally obligated to fulfill this requirement.

The following are only few of the objectives of anger managment Classes:

• Increased ability to communicate, mediate, and resolve interpersonal problems
• Increased affect regulation and appropriate emotional expression
• Cognitive restructuring that promotes healthy affect regulation, decision making, problem solving skills, and behavioral change
• Effective self-monitoring, defusing, and de-escalation techniques
• Decreased impulsivity and behavioral acting out
• Increased capacity for conflict resolution
• Increased inhibition of aggression
• Increased frustration tolerance
• Enhanced coping skills

Additional anger goals are defined when the class meets and customized to class or individual needs.

More about the Anger Management Program

Repeated anger can be costly, both physically and emotionally, while making people rigid and defensive. It is likely to have a negative effect on health, damage relationships and limit life experiences and ability to achieve fulfillment and happiness. This Anger Management Program provides tools to help people learn how to manage anger constructively, while transforming it into assertiveness, problem-solving, empathy and forgiveness, so they create the life and relationship they want.

The Anger Management program is designed to help individuals gain productive ways to express anger and eliminate self-destructive behaviors. Participants of the Anger Management Program learn how to reduce their level of anger, especially in provocative situations, while building effective coping skills to stop escalation and resolve conflicts. They learn to take personal responsibility for their actions and change their maladaptive behaviors.

spiral2grow proram is characterized by a high level of interaction, energy and honesty as well as a safe place to bring up a wide range of complex issues. The program is also a working laboratory for experimentation where newly learned skills can be put to the test. The result is a richer and deeper experience promoting members to take on life’s challenges.

spiral2grow program is for individuals who are experiencing daily frustrations in business and personal situations. Yet, they are motivated to learn skills for managing their “negative” emotions, particularly anger. The program is based on the cognitive–behavioral and exposure approach to anger and aggression control. It incorporates innovations in design, content and techniques that make it easily accessible and effective for its audience. While each program is unique in many ways, it facilitates dramatic positive changes. Participants greatly benefit from the group dynamic and interaction and find the experience rewarding. We encourage you to join an exciting opportunity to enter this program and use it as a “laboratory” to help improve your life and relationships.

Read more about anger management classes in NYC.

Anger Management For Executives

spiral2grow is excited to offer Anger management coaching for executives that combines traditional coaching  methods with cutting-edge, proven, experiential counseling techniques. Located in Midtown Manhattan, spiral2grow is a recognized leader in anger management and executive coaching.

It is not uncommon to have stress and tension in the workplace. Everyone wants to be successful and  productive to improve their respective careers. Yet, different personalities, styles, ideas, philosophies etc. can be a source of clash.

Aside from internal competition in the workplace, family issues, and top management and peer pressure could take its toll on employees. This factors and others may create a conflict of interest which might lead to frustration, stress and eventually anger and even aggression. While each employee must know how to deal with their difficult emotions, supervisors and manager, as leaders, have greater responsibility to oversea relationship’s dynamics and create effective business processes that leads to positive results.

The anger management course is designed for business executives and it’s ideal for clients who are highly motivated and ready to take the necessary steps to build anger management skills as well as emotional intelligence. These skills will enable individuals to becomes leaders not only in their company, but in society at large. The private coaching sessions are one-on-one that provides intimate experience that is customized to individual needs. The anger course is also a viable for companies/employers looking to guide employees to better manage stress, anger and aggression. The sessions provide education, guidance and support for those struggling with anger issues as well as other emotional concerns . The result is increasing in emotional intelligence and leader and social skills.

Many high level professionals that attended anger management have experienced the positive effects of the skills learned and as a result they refer or recommend coaching for peers, direct reports, supervisors, friends and family members.

Learn more about anger management for business executives.

Anger Management Group

Intense anger or negative behaviors can be costly, both physically and emotionally. The group program enables the participants to better learn, practice, and integrate treatment strategies to manage anger, especially in provocative situations. It provides the clients effective coping behaviors to stop escalation, be assertive and resolve conflicts. Moshe Ratson (MBA, MS MFT, LMFT) unique anger management therapy approach transforms anger and is a powerful way to use anger as a positive force to create a better word, for yourself, the people you care about as well as the community at large.

Call Now to Join or if you have any questions
GROUP SIZE IS LIMITED, so please contact us at 917-692-3867 to schedule the required one-on-one pre-group interview and consultation or fill the form on the top right to get more information of if you are interested in joining group in another date..

Individuals in the group learn to understand the roots beneath anger, recognize early signs of anger and reduce aggressive and impulsive responses. They are taught how to slow down their arousal when angered, so that it can be processed and acted on in a proper way without the negative consequences associated with uncontrolled anger.

The power of group support and learning from others’ challenges as you challenged, is an essential aspect of successful healing and growth. The group meetings, where people like yourself gather to share their stories and experiences are a powerful way to gain an supportive environment that is conducive to gain new insights and skills to become the best person you can be. Let the collective wisdom of other people to inform your healing and gain greater control over your life.

The following are few of the goals and skills provided in Anger Management Group:

• Process anger constructively by understanding its psychodynamics
• Manage anger and other challenging emotions in healthy ways
• Express your needs and feelings in a constructive way
• Transform anger into a healthy productive source
• Eliminate self-destructive/manipulative behaviors
• Explore hurt that has been masked by anger
• Halt escalation and resolve conflicts
• Become assertive (not aggressive)
• Overcome emotional reactivity
• Develop communication skills

spiral2grow of New York City utilizes proven methodologies from a variety of modalities, such as Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) and other approaches that employs tempering anger, relaxation, cognitive, and communication skills interventions.

Read more about Anger Management Group in NYC by spiral2grow.

Anger Management Classes and Workshops

If you struggle with out-of-control anger, or if you are concerned about someone who does, then you know how difficult it can be to find tools and programs to help overcome this very destructive problem. spiral2grow has developed a comprehensive anger management classes and workshops that provide practical and effective tools for individuals who want to learn anger management strategies for conquering anger problems.

Different from traditional anger management techniques that train individuals how to control their anger, my seminar teaches how to embrace anger and use its power for good. The program focuses on tools and techniques for anger transformation, which means how we can use anger as a powerful catalyst for growth and healing.

My talk will explore the psychological and philosophical aspects of the anger transformation process, teaching participants how to use anger as a vehicle toward peace, compassion and personal growth.

My presentation is grounded on the belief that anger has a positive value and can serve as a constructive force in our life. From this foundation, I discuss how people can deal with anger and aggression by integrating best-of-practices from western psychology and eastern philosophy.

As part of this work, I provide a seven-step framework for participants to use when managing their anger before it erupts as well as when it reaches a high-level of intensity. Among the benefits participants will receive from the program will be how to use anger as a key to understanding their past, enjoying the present and planning for the future; moving them from where they are to where they want to be by building greater self-awareness and emotional mastery.

spiral2grow utilizes variety of proven modalities, such as Cognitive Behavioral Treatment (CBT), Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and others to teach participants effective coping behaviors to stop the escalation, be assertive and resolve conflicts. Participants are taught how to slow down their arousal when angered, so that it can be processed and acted on in a proper way without the negative consequences.